I have spent a significant amount of time and energy on my recovery path, focusing on what I believed to be the purpose of this journey: reclaiming my authentic self.
The trouble with this was I had no idea who my authentic self was, so I had to begin with self-discovery and self-awareness. It’s not as easy as it seems to look at your shadow or embrace goodness when you believe otherwise.
Self-awareness is more than learning about what you like, what you don’t, and what your values, beliefs, and standards are. It’s also about what you do not need to Be or Do.
I believed a part of reclaiming my power was insisting others see me for who I am in the effort to unbind myself from the pains of my past. I was so caught up with doing, sharing, learning, putting out fires, and settling chaos, that I forgot to “Be.” Be open. Be alone. Be Enough.
My efforts were a consistent pattern of a need for validation and chaos to meet my inner safety needs, which required more effort, more energy, and more of everything. What I didn’t acknowledge was I was the one making this journey more difficult than was necessary.
Something happened yesterday as a result of the internal pressure from a question on my heart about loneliness. In seeking to answer it, I allowed myself to open to the realization there’s no need to reclaim my authentic self; I have never been apart from my core being. The belief that I needed to be somebody to be approved of, or for me to be a “special” someone to approve of myself, was the only belief standing in my way of evolving towards the Moreness of self.
My authentic self is not something I need to do or be; I AM.
I’ve been applying massive daily effort towards unlearning, unhooking, unlocking, and unbinding from conventional beliefs that I must be and do something to someone at all times. And in a moment it all fell together.
In one moment, with one statement, I staked my claim on the present. I AM. The only thing I must be is enough for myself.
My late husband said to be open to new love. Was he perhaps speaking about self-love?
When we are enough for ourselves, we are open to new love, options, opportunity, anomalies, and messages we missed before. When we are open, we connect to the universe, are Attuned, and Aware. This requires nothing more than for me to Un-Be, not even that…
This is the essence of what I’ve been working towards. Claiming my space in this universe without the need for pomp or circumstance.
Now I can claim my name with no doubt and thank you for waiting for me to catch up on the path, so I can join you in the Dance of Life.
I AM Sher Unbound.